You are enough parents!

So, each week my inbox is full of articles telling me how to be a better parent, how to bring up happy, healthy, good, kind, upstanding children. Each week I spend time reading these articles, nodding my head in agreement, checklisting my parenting shortfalls with my own children, weighing up whether or not this is an article our ML parents will relate to, engage with and finally choosing if it will be the topic for my weekly newsletter or not.

There are a lot of articles. A lot of webites and a lot of people who seem to know what they are doing as parents, advisors, practitioners and a myriad other services that inundate our daily information supply.

There is huge value in all of this. Huge. But this week something has been bothering me. Bothering me enough that I deleted my hours of editing of a fantastic article on Cognitive hardiness and Intrinsic motivation (I know, a great read right?), and decided instead to share my concern. Share the thing that has been bothering me.

I have been in education for many years. I have sat on the teachers side of the table at parent teacher interviews many times. Sat there all knowing. Until I sat on the other side of the table. Until I heard an all knowing teacher just like me tell me the parent what "I needed to, could, should or must do"!

I remember leaving those meetings feeling like I wasn't doing enough and I hated that. I am by no means the best parent (ask my kids), I am by no stretch of anyone's imagination a parenting or education expert but one thing I am, is I am sure we all are doing our very best. At least most of the time.

I always tell my teachers, whatever you may say to parents at parents evening, let them walk away not feeling any worse about themselves than when they sat down. Please, parenting is hard enough without that.

Here is the crux of what was bothering me this week. However many articles I use, edit, blog or write. However many things I think are beneficial for parents, myself included to know and remember. By putting in to your inbox another way you can be a better parent, I may just be perpetuating the idea that we aren't as parents doing enough, that we could and should do more, do better, be more, be better. That is the least beneficial thing I can do for you and for your children.

You will not get it all right. Believe me, because I know I haven't. You will not always know what do do or say and when to do or not say whatever it is you should or shouldn't say. Trust me on that (again just ask my kids). You can read all you want and all I send in the newsletter and in books and blogs but actually what you are doing is enough. You are enough. Your parenting skills are more than likely fine. I have seen your kids, remember, so I can say this with some authority.

So for this weekend at least I wish you peace and acceptance of all you are and all you do. I wish you love and gratitude for your children, partners, family and friends and mostly I wish you kindness and generosity of spirit towards yourself on the journey that is parenting.

Shabbat Shalom and happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there