Show your children how to become the best versions of themselves By Amy Morin (adapted)
Kids who become invested in self-improvement at a young age will likely experience many advantages in life. But it can be a little tricky to figure out exactly how to go about teaching kids about self-improvement. These strategies can help you raise confident children who are invested in becoming the best version of themselves.
Balance Self-Acceptance with Self-Improvement
It’s important to teach your children that they can love themselves the way they are while also striving to become better. You don’t want them to think they can’t be happy with themselves until they lose 10 pounds or until they make the all-star team.
Help Your Child Identify Their Strengths
Ask them what they like about themselves. Make sure they identify qualities that reflect their personality, not just their outward appearance. While it’s healthy for a child to think they're pretty, children’s views of themselves should extend beyond their looks.
Identify Areas Where They'd Like to Improve
Whether they want to become a better basketball player or they'd like to be friendlier to kids who get bullied, identify concrete steps they can take to work on those areas.
You might need to help your child develop some self-awareness. For example, if they say they're a terrible singer, ask what they can do (like taking voice lessons) to improve. Then, talk about whether it’s something they want to improve upon or if it’s not really a priority.
Keep Talking
Hold regular conversations about the fact that everyone has weaknesses and it’s important to prioritize the ones that you want to work on while also accepting that you can’t excel in everything.
Praise Things Within Your Child’s Control
You might think you’re building your child up by saying, “You’re so handsome.” But praising them for things that are beyond their control isn’t helpful.
Instead, praise them for the choices they make by saying things like, “Great job brushing your teeth right after breakfast. You’re going to have such clean, shiny teeth!” Or, “I really like that you chose to comb your hair today before I even reminded you to do it.”
It’s also important to avoid emphasizing the outcome. If you say things like, “I’m so proud of you for getting a 100 on your spelling test,” your child will think their score matters more than anything else.
Instead, focus on their effort and use praise that builds character by saying, “It looks like all that studying you did really paid off. Great job studying hard for your test.”
Praising your child’s choices will help them stay focused on the things they can control in life—such as their efforts and their attitude.
Encourage Problem-Solving
It can be tempting to fix your child’s problems for them. But micromanaging their activities and rescuing them at the first signs of struggle is a disservice.
Show them that they have choices in how they respond to the problem. Talk about the many different ways to solve a single problem. Children with good problem-solving skills feel empowered to tackle issues head-on. And each problem your child encounters is an opportunity for them to improve themselves.
Teach Healthy Self-Talk
It’s important for children to learn how to speak to themselves with compassion. After all, a child who calls themselves stupid when they make a mistake won’t work on improving themselves.
When your child says things that are exaggeratedly negative, such as, “I’ll never be a good trumpet player,” help them see that their thoughts aren’t necessarily true. With a little help from you, they might be able to remind themselves that with practice, they can improve.
The key is to avoid saying what you want them to think. If you reassure them, “Oh no honey, you’ll be a great trumpet player someday,” they won’t learn to change their thinking.
While it’s healthy to provide support and reassurance, your overall goal should be to help your child learn how to become a cheerleader for themselves.
Empower Your Child
Self-improvement doesn’t have to be about being the smartest, best looking, or most athletic person simply for vanity’s sake. Instead, your child can learn to improve themselves so they can make a difference in the world.
It’s important for kids to know that their goals can be bigger themselves. Knowing that they can put their skills, talents, and hard work to good use gives them a sense of meaning and purpose.
Show your child that they can make a difference in someone’s life every day by being kind, generous, and helpful. Get them involved in community service projects or work together to perform acts of kindness. Whether they make cards to send to people in nursing homes or participates in fundraisers for charity, empower them to find ways to make a difference.
Be a good role model for your child as well. Talk about ways you’re actively working on self-improvement and you’ll inspire your child to do the same.
“Home is not where we live; home is where we belong.”