Is Your Child a Dandelion, an Orchid, or a Tulip? Understanding Your Child’s Biological Sensitivity by Ashley Soderlund Ph.D.
The first time I heard this analogy was at a child development conference over 10 years ago. I had become interested in the genetic side of development and had wandered into a session on biological sensitivity to context. That sounds complicated but it’s really not– stay with me just a little longer because it’s one of the most important things I think parents could ever hear
In a nutshell, it is the idea that some of us (and some of our children) are more sensitive to our environment because of our genes, hence we are more biologically sensitive to our world, our context.
Researcher Thomas Boyce and his Swedish colleagues talk about biological sensitivity using the analogy of maskrosbarn or a ‘‘dandelion child” and the “orkidebarn” the orchid child.
A Dandelion-Child is Resilient
No matter the conditions surrounding them– soil, sun, rain, they will thrive. Dandelions thrive in between cracks in a driveway pretty much as well as they do in a protective garden.
Dandelion children are biologically resilient, their genes protect them from environmental assault. In some cases, these children grow up to be an inspiration, we wonder at their ability to thrive in spite of their circumstances.
But in most cases, dandelion children represent children who grow up in families of various economic resources, with parents who were various degrees of sensitivity or strictness and they turn out to be successful members of society.
An Orchid-Child is Sensitive
Biologically, orchid children carry risky genes. They are highly sensitive to their surroundings– diet, parenting, and toxins, all have the potential to deeply affect the development of orchid children. But orchid children can also thrive given the right context. Just the right amount of sunlight, humidity, special food, and a regular schedule of watering and orchids will bloom year-round.
And here is the great news, while orchid children are more sensitive to negative aspects of their environment they are also much more sensitive to positive ones as well
A Tulip-Child is a Mix of Both Sensitive and Resilient
More recently, researchers have identified a third type — the medium-sensitivity child that falls somewhere in between — perhaps with a mixture of both remarkable resilience and sensitivity.
Most children won’t fit into the dandelion or orchid categories neatly — instead, they may be a mix of both — a tulip. You probably see some areas where your child is likely more sensitive and need extra special care from you and other areas in which they thrive seemingly without needing a thing from you.
Take-Away Message for Parents:
1. All children are unique and therefore “good” parenting will look different for different children.
Some of us may need to “hover” or be a “helicopter parent” because our children take more risks or need us more in that particular context. Some of us may need to stand back and let our children learn to take some risks. Some of us may know that our children are insecure in new situations and want us close.
There is an infinite number of ways to be a sensitive and responsive parent and we are all just doing what we think our kids need from us. What they need can vary so much from child to child and from situation to situation. And usually, we are learning as we go along. I view each new stage as a little mystery and I don’t always know how to parent the “best” way until I’ve lived in that stage a while.
2. Parenting matters.
It matters a whole heck of a lot, especially to some children. It can literally change the expression of certain genes. I bet most children have at least some qualities in them that are orchid qualities and they need us to be positive, sensitive, and responsive to their needs.
What we do makes a real difference. Now, don’t get me wrong, we don’t need to be perfect parents, no one can be. But what we can do is fill up our parenting toolbox so we have strategies to deal with the times and behaviors that we find challenging as parents.
Connect with your child. In all honesty, this may be enough in and of itself. If you are taking the time to connect with your child, get involved in their interests and give them positive attention then you are doing a great job already! We all need reminders to do this from time to time. We get busy and other things take priority, but that playtime and connection, it really matters and in some cases, it may be the force that can even overcome genetic risks.
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